Returning to the roads (& hopefully trails!) - By Sue Clarke

All of the above seems another lifetime away to me.  Late in 2009 I injured my lower back after a hugely successful season both in the UK & internationally. It took 15 months to get right to the bottom of my problem & correctly diagnose me. Eventually I agreed to undergo surgery by one of the UK's leading spinal surgeons, Dr Harding of the Frenchay hospital in Bristol.

 I had badly ruptured the disc between my last lumbar vertebrae & my first sacral vertebrae (L5 & S1).This is the most common disc to 'go' in athletes as it takes the greatest load. I was having what is called an ALIF (anterior lumbar inter-body fusion). In lay-mans terms (Don't read this if you are squeamish!) opening me up below the belly button, removing some of my organs to gain access to the damaged disc & then using surgical instruments for traction to open up the joint & remove the disc completely. In its place a metal cage is placed. This is filled with bone graft collected from my pelvis (another incision). This is quite literally chiselled from my hip bone using a hammer & chisel. Next a pyramid shaped piece of titanium (oh yes give me the best!) is screwed to my sacrum & vertebrae to hold everything together. The bone graft should eventually grow to fill the space left by the removed disc & hey presto! But the complete fusion process can take anything from 5-18 months to totally complete. Call me titanium girl. I could be a transformer or something!

NHS waiting lists being what they are, I eventually underwent surgery at the end of May instead of the planned January.  I must say I tried my best to physically & mentally prepare myself for what was to come, by being in the best shape I possibly could come the day of reckoning. However, nothing would prepare me for this. After a long but successful surgery I was taken to recovery where I suffered an allergic reaction to the morphine I was given. Coming around from any op is bad enough, finding your throat has swelled so much you cannot breathe is pretty drastic & unpleasant I can tell you! Saline was pumped rapidly through my system & things were soon under control.

All good, or so I thought. I was not allowed the usual intravenous morphine with self dosage via a button at my bedside. For the next 3 days the only pain relief I was given was paracetamol & ibuprofen. I take these medications when I have to for colds & the like, not after major spinal surgery! I was finding it unbearable to even move in bed, let alone roll over or get up to move about which is what the physio wanted me to be doing. My prayers were answered on the third day post op when a pain specialist was sent for. Someone was in it deep for this oversight but by this time all I cared about was getting to the end of this pain. Here I was an elite athlete with a huge threshold for pain. I couldn't make it to the toilet 5 metres away & passed out in pain every time I tried to stand. Heaven above, Dr Pain came & prescribed some strong medications for me. Within a few hours I was cruising the ward, very slowly! It's funny, you realise how bad you look when old 'Dears' start with comments such as 'what a shame & you are so young too, rest of your life was ahead of you' etc, etc. You get the picture.

Once discharged I spent 3 weeks at my parents as I could not even put on my own socks & shoes. If I dropped something it would stay there. Then I acquired a 'grabber' from good old B&Q, which turned out to be a lifesaver. As did my family, of course.

Returning home to the Lakes was a real achievement for me, but proved to be very difficult. When you are not allowed to lift anything heavier than a half filled kettle, things start becoming pretty challenging. I was so used to being this active, independent person & suddenly I was the total opposite. The only thing that kept me going was the thought of how lucky I was. Some people have to get used to never making a recovery & adjusting their lives permanently. For me this situation was temporary.  I set myself small goals & this boosted my morale each time I achieved something. It was taking me the best part of the morning to get myself up out of bed, shower & dress. Good job I had plenty of time to play with!

I spent this rainy summer recovering, comforted by the thought that if I was to choose a summer to be out of action, this was the one! The Olympics & TDF provided some entertainment & soon enough my 2 month post op check was due. I was given the go-ahead to start light riding on a turbo trainer & some gentle swimming & physio. I was thrilled!

Barrie set my turbo up with my MTB. I got on using a chair & soon found out it wasn't going to happen. I could not bend to reach the bars, even on my mtb with riser bars & mini stem. No matter, Barrie fitted some road bars turned upside down & away I went. Starting with 10mins I gradually built up & over the weeks I was to be found in our garage spinning out some much missed miles. Boredom soon set in as time aboard increase, so a few DVDs on my laptop helped pass the time. I gradually increased the time & intensity & after a month or so I was able to complete cut down versions of threshold sessions. Things were progressing nicely. I did have a few setbacks & learnt to rely on my 'listen to your body' philosophy I had always used previously in training.

I am now 6 months post surgery & cannot believe where I am at. At times I have lost faith in making a full recovery, but on the whole I have tried to keep a positive frame of mind & I think this has helped hugely. I am now back riding on the road & cannot believe how lucky I am. When riding is in your blood & has been a part of your life for so long, it is hard to accept that you will never do it again. So I did not accept this opinion from certain 'specialists'. Instead I rooted out the people who were confident they could help me. I fought, I battled pain, I cried, I despaired, but in the end I have got there. Last weekend Barrie, my Dad & me enjoyed a truly beautiful ride through the Rusland Valley here in the Lake District. I felt like the luckiest person alive on a crystal clear day, with the autumn colours in full splendour, my two favourite guys by my side. We completed just over 4 hours on the bike, my longest venture out so far. I have a scar across the front of my abdomen & one across my pelvis which remind me daily of how someone highly skilled & ambitious made my dreams come true & gave me back my life. Dr Harding I owe you so much. Thanks also to Barrie for his continual support & encouragement. When I doubted, he never did. Also to my family & friends for all their support & Cannondale UK for standing by me & believing in me. You guys rock my world...

I hope to return off road sometime in January. I am taking each day as it comes & loving each ride. It is like being a kid again! Then I will see were the road (or trail) takes me. Any of you who are facing any kind of adversity in life, I hope you can take some inspiration from my experiences. Never give up."

Sue Clarke.

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